Just your laughs.
Some people have a hard time understanding my humor. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home; alcoholic parents, promiscuity, violence, stealing, and I think my parents were also nuts. Yes, it was tough, but I lived in my little world of saints and devotion to the Blessed Sacrament and Our Lady. Nevertheless, I can be rather coarse, and my humor is very off-the-wall. I honestly thought many of the behaviors my parent's exhibited were rather funny, as did my brothers and sisters. Life was one big tilt-a-whirl, which is why I love tornadoes and earthquakes and other things that scare normal people. So anyway, instead of poetry Thursday, I thought I'd list a few quotes of my parents from times when they were at their nuttiest.
"Why you little bitch!" - my mom's favorite expression - "bastard" for the boys. Her vocal inflection was the best - clenched teeth, slowly enunciating each syllable, in a low, deliberate, contemptuous voice.
"You little holier-than-thou hypocrite!" - my mom's favorite name for me when I did something wrong.
"You're ugly." - my mom told all of us that - I think she was trying to keep us from vanity. Which was good, because I grew up thinking I was ugly.
"Not too much water now!" - while shaking a glass of ice with a coquettish smile, signaling mom was ready for another drink.
"Dolly, I love you!" - my dad repeated that constantly to us - sometimes with big slobbery kisses on the mouth. (Another reason I don't like kissing men I guess! LOL!) Which brings to mind the following...
"Why you dirty little homosexuals!" - mom called us that because my brother and I would look at muscle magazines when we were little. (We wanted to be weight lifters.) We never knew what she meant by that word, and we laughed after she left the room.
"Go ahead, laugh fat ass!" - she would have said that in response to our laughing - "fat ass" was the name she often used for my brother.
She once brought fat ass's dirty underwear to school because he forgot to throw them in the laundry - she gave them to his gymn teacher.
"Why you no good bitch!" - mom would sometimes say that to grandma when she talked to her on the phone - and when angry with just about any woman she felt double-crossed her.
"You're nothing but a slut!" - she would say that to my sister, and later the girls we dated, when we brought them home to meet the parents.
"You're pen happy!" - she said that because I wrote to our relatives and kept a journal - which she read and disliked.
"Wait until your father gets home!" - she usually said that before she got completely out of control.
When my dad finally got home it wasn't usually funny, and the things he said were far more shameful than comedic. Obviously, my mother was the commedian in the family.
(Both parents died good, holy, Catholic deaths after living very difficult lives. And truly - they could be very funny, albeit innapropriate.)
Some people have a hard time understanding my humor. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home; alcoholic parents, promiscuity, violence, stealing, and I think my parents were also nuts. Yes, it was tough, but I lived in my little world of saints and devotion to the Blessed Sacrament and Our Lady. Nevertheless, I can be rather coarse, and my humor is very off-the-wall. I honestly thought many of the behaviors my parent's exhibited were rather funny, as did my brothers and sisters. Life was one big tilt-a-whirl, which is why I love tornadoes and earthquakes and other things that scare normal people. So anyway, instead of poetry Thursday, I thought I'd list a few quotes of my parents from times when they were at their nuttiest.
"Why you little bitch!" - my mom's favorite expression - "bastard" for the boys. Her vocal inflection was the best - clenched teeth, slowly enunciating each syllable, in a low, deliberate, contemptuous voice.
"You little holier-than-thou hypocrite!" - my mom's favorite name for me when I did something wrong.
"You're ugly." - my mom told all of us that - I think she was trying to keep us from vanity. Which was good, because I grew up thinking I was ugly.
"Not too much water now!" - while shaking a glass of ice with a coquettish smile, signaling mom was ready for another drink.
"Dolly, I love you!" - my dad repeated that constantly to us - sometimes with big slobbery kisses on the mouth. (Another reason I don't like kissing men I guess! LOL!) Which brings to mind the following...
"Why you dirty little homosexuals!" - mom called us that because my brother and I would look at muscle magazines when we were little. (We wanted to be weight lifters.) We never knew what she meant by that word, and we laughed after she left the room.
"Go ahead, laugh fat ass!" - she would have said that in response to our laughing - "fat ass" was the name she often used for my brother.
She once brought fat ass's dirty underwear to school because he forgot to throw them in the laundry - she gave them to his gymn teacher.
"Why you no good bitch!" - mom would sometimes say that to grandma when she talked to her on the phone - and when angry with just about any woman she felt double-crossed her.
"You're nothing but a slut!" - she would say that to my sister, and later the girls we dated, when we brought them home to meet the parents.
"You're pen happy!" - she said that because I wrote to our relatives and kept a journal - which she read and disliked.
"Wait until your father gets home!" - she usually said that before she got completely out of control.
When my dad finally got home it wasn't usually funny, and the things he said were far more shameful than comedic. Obviously, my mother was the commedian in the family.
(Both parents died good, holy, Catholic deaths after living very difficult lives. And truly - they could be very funny, albeit innapropriate.)
Photo: Bette Davis from "The Anniversary" - she could have been playing my mother.
