All Hallows Eve

Remembering the dead.

November is the month Catholics do this, remember the dead in prayers and suffrages for their repose.

Pictured here is a photo of the "Purgatory Museum" in Rome. I've never visited it, but I've seen other photos. It's interesting; scorched footprints and other signs of souls having visited from purgatory to implore prayers.

Padre Pio encountered souls from purgatory, as did St. John Mascias and many other saints. St. John Mascias was reputed to have freed thousands of souls from purgatory by his prayers, especially the rosary of Our Lady.

Halloween is a time when people love to retell ghost stories. I listened to a few on the radio in the car as I drove home tonight. It's fun to listen to ghost stories.

This morning I arrived early at work and few employees were there yet. I heard a baby crying. I thought someone had brought one of their children to work, yet this was a baby, everyone there had older children - and no one had brought their children to work today. I looked outside, no one was on the street. I asked if anyone else heard it, no one had. I thought it may have been a radio - but it wasn't. It was eerie. What if...

In high school, my friends and I used to sit in another friend's car, at night, outside a house that resembled the architecture of the Dakota in NYC - the building "Rosemary's Baby" was filmed at. The house we sat outside of is alleged to be haunted. We sat for hours, freaking ourselves out thinking we saw something. It was so fun. The house is still there. It used to be where a witch lived and a gathering spot for people in the occult. In fact, a few years later, when I worked at Dayton's, it turned out that a couple of co-workers, the Director included, used to meet at the house. They were wiccans, or as I came to refer to them, bitches. Very decadent and nasty people they were.

One of our friend's Dad was a meter reader for the city and this haunted house was on his route. He claimed many unusual experiences in that house. The only one I can clearly remember is that something knuckled him on his head when he was in the basement reading the meter - and he left immediately. He had another story about seeing something, a figure standing on a stairway, that suddenly disappeared. That is pretty much why we sat outside the house late at night in high school scaring ourselves.

Down that same avenue, Summit Avenue in St. Paul, was an old house our 6th grade teacher, Sr. Lillian, told us was haunted. She said it had been torn down and exorcism salt had been sprinkled upon it. Later a school for handicap children was built on the spot and it was called Christ Child School. She was a nun, so we had to believe her.

I've never seen a ghost - or a soul from purgatory - but the stories are cool.

Kids like the occult - they are fascinated by it. It is reason to guard, or guide their reading and entertainment. I think of "Harry Potter" - I appreciate the fantasy, but if I were a kid, I'd want to be a witch after reading it. I would definitely delve deeper into the occult as a result.

It is interesting that the root of the word 'fascinate' comes from the French, 'fasciner' meaning to entrance or charm, as in witchcraft, while our modern usage of the term still relates to the meaning, to be bewitched or held spell bound.

Fascinating!

Failure to thrive.

Crucifixion, Thomas Eakins

"In his own pain and agony, Jesus helps us to grasp the mystery of human pain;
the mystery of our own wounds, our fragility and our brokenness,
our fear of rejection or of having no place in society...

We do not need to live our entire lives angry
with our past or with our weakness.
We do not need to be resentful towards our parents,
our society or the Church
because they have hurt us.
We are called to discover that no pain is ever useless.
Nothing is lost.
Jesus welcomes everything that is broken.
If we give him our weakness
he will transform it into a source of life. -Jean Vanier

Halloween Costumes...

An 'All Hallows' Meme (Memes are kind of high school, don't you think? Who cares - it's Halloween.)

Fr. Martin Fox (Bonfire of the Vanities fame - a blog name I wanted!) tagged the first 5 people who acknowledged reading his post - so I'll do it - especially since the joke I posted earlier today on this blog wasn't well received. (It was so funny - for me.)

If you were invited to a Halloween/ All Saints Day Costume Party, which saint would you dress up as and why? (The Blessed Virgin Mary, the Mother of God, is not an option.)

St. Benedict Joseph Labre. Because he wore trousers and I like him - he was a wonderful contemplative and layman. I'd be much crazier than he actually was however - I wouldn't show up at the party.

Which saint or other person would accompany you to the party?

St. Raphael Archangel, because he is the patron of pilgrims and he knew how to cook fish.

What famous quote would help others identify you?

"Lice? What lice?"

Describe your costume.

Ripped and torn too tight knickers over torn tights with a Franciscan cord, a Seinfeld pirate shirt under a a filthy waistcoat with a rosary around my neck. Bed hair like Joe Trojack's, and little plastic glitter bugs all over my clothes and in my hair.

Which movie or film best depicts the life of this saint?

A Robin Williams film about a crazy homeless man - unfortunately, I can't recall the title. It wasn't about St. Benedict, but Robin's character reminded me of him - or people like him.

What is your favorite book written about this saint or that he or she has written?

His biography - the title or author I can't remember, in addition, the writings for the process of his canonization, of which I have a very old book, in French, that I can only read with great effort.

As Fr. Fox wrote, I tag the first five people who acknowledge reading this. (No one reads this blog, so I guess it ends here.)

If a crazy blogger speaks in a forest, does anyone hear him? Is he still crazy?

Leaving Las Vegas

Or rather, the Monastery.

The monastery may be likened to a spiritual meadow, or oasis amidst the spiritual wasteland of our world. Shown here is a rather bleak photo of the monastery I was a member of for a short time as a novice, New Melleray Abbey. It's an old community living there now, very small compared to the 150 members residing there in the 1950's. (With approximately 35 monks or less today, some believe it is a community heading for extinction, but the monks have experienced such a drought of vocations in the late 1800's or so as well.)

When I left, one of the monks drove me into town so that I could get my connection home. His advice for me came in the form of a psalm, Psalm 1 to be exact. (He had memorized the entire psalter.) Today's responsorial psalm is Psalm 1:

Happy the man who follows not
the counsel of the wicked
Nor walks in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the company of the insolent (scorners)
But delights in the law of the Lord
and meditates on his law day and night.

I haven't always followed these counsels. Most of my friends, well, many of my friends, have been relatively irreligious people, they would say they were 'spiritual' but not religious. Most of these friends are no longer part of my life - due in part, to irreconcilable differences. I never preached to them, but my faith seemed to have been an irritation to them in many cases. Others may have been able to "blow it off" - my Catholicism that is, nevertheless I realized they were not a good influence in my life.

A co-worker said I was influenced by my liberal friends and their political views; to some degree I am, yet not governed by them. A person may speak and understand French, but that doesn't mean he is French. One may be sympathetic to liberal ideas, even understanding them, without adhering to them, or being ruled by them. I no longer sit in the company of scorners, nor the insolent self-righteous.

Another dear friend mentioned in an email that he and his wife wondered why I am so solitary, why I am not very social. I rarely find any rapport with the religiously doctrinaire either. They can be just as annoying as my more secularized friends. Both groups have a propensity for absolutes. The way that leads to eternal life is indeed narrow, and sometimes those on the way of perfection are as well. The scorners, the scoffers, and the insolent are not always those outside the Church. especially when they believe they are more Catholic than the pope.

I don't like to debate and argue and scoff all of the time - it's annoying. My best friends respect my solitude, and they know I love them.

I like my solitude. A Carmelite once told me that solitude does not preclude friendship. Neither does silence imply one does not speak.

(The meaning of Las Vegas is 'the meadow' or a sort of oasis.)

"The sin of the Gentiles is they lack charity."

Pictured, Saint Benedict Joseph Labre, a saint with mental illness.

I cannot remember where I heard or read that phrase; "the sin of the Gentiles is they lack charity." I assumed it was from Romans - yet I searched every translation available many times without finding it. I may have had a dream years ago wherein I heard the words. I don't know. For at least 30 years the phrase has ruminated in my heart from time to time. It re-emerged in my thoughts again today - probably because I was thinking of Jean Vanier and his life with the disabled.

The wounded and vulnerable among us call out to our vulnerability, exposing our fears of pain and loss and failure. It is written that love casts out all fear, thus, if we do not love, if we have not charity, we close ourselves off from those who need us.

Anger and contempt can result in apathy - which, I think can be a form of violence in itself because of its injustice. Our world is full of it. It strikes me that we need to lose in order to win. In the United States, we hate to lose.

We so need to understand our relationship with the less fortunate, the disabled, the "losers" of our society, who cry out for relationship. Our fear of relationship is our fear of the pain that may be encountered in the exposure of our own vulnerability. Or perhaps causing us to experience our own brokenness - that which we expend so much effort to deny. In the case of the self-sufficient, it may be a prideful conceit refusing to acknowledge weakness in others, lest it contaminate their self-sufficiency. I guess that is pride - the pride of life.

I'm simply thinking about these things today.

I obviously cannot express them well.

However, I think all the sins of my life have had their root in the phrase, "The sin of the Gentiles is they lack charity."

Why are the blind and the lame with us?

Along with the mentally ill, and anyone else with some sort of handicap or disability?

In the history of man, we have relegated people with disabilities to anonymity, segregating them from normal society. Think of leper colonies, mental institutions, what have you. Or families, such as the Kennedys who put their daughter Rosemary in an institution after a botched lobotomy. (A family rich enough to care for her at home by the way - yet she was an embarrassment for them. Although, it was very common to institutionalize people with disabilities in those days.)

We often ignore the handicapped, or pretend we don't notice. Some of us complain that they have special privileges, such as prime parking spots, or automatic doorways and special restroom facilities.

In today's Gospel, everyone was trying to get rid of the blind Bartimaeus, rebuking him and trying to silence him. How many times did Christ's very disciples try to get rid of the pesky lame; the woman with the hemorrhage, being one of them. "Get rid of her." they said.

In modern times, Nazi Germany tried to get rid of anyone with mental disabilities. The Holocaust started out with the extermination of the disabled and elderly. That mindset is not too distant in our age known as the Culture of Death. While we legislate concessions for the handicapped in the business world, requiring employers to make accomodations in the workplace for those with disabilities. That is a good thing, albeit some employers resent it, along with other employees who feel themselves somehow discriminated against by the implementation of these special privileges.

This morning I remembered Jean Vanier, the founder of l'Arche. L'Arche is a community that began in France by the Canadian born Vanier. He invited into his home people suffering from severe mental handicaps. He lives with them in a family setting, caring for them, but above all providing a safe place where they might live in dignity, ennobled by the love and compassion of Jean Vanier and his co-workers. He never condescended, or pitied them, rather he treated these brothers and sisters as fellow human beings with value and purpose.

What is their purpose - why does God permit this? They have a purpose, to be sure, otherwise God would not have called them into existence. I sometimes wonder if they are not God's very precious gift to humanity. That they are here to teach us how to love, to exercise ourselves in charity. To illustrate for us what is important in life, that our success, our status is fleeting. When I meet such people, I am deeply touched by their innocence, their candor, and in many instances, their joy.

On the other hand, there are those who are angry and loud, their disabilities exacerbated by unacceptable behaviors, as well as alcoholism or drug abuse, or some other moral failing, for which they are not completely responsible. These people seem to be the most challenging to love, much less tolerate. These are the ones many of us say should be locked away. Yet these too are invited to the Heavenly Banquet, these are the children Jesus says we must allow to come to him, not hindering them, these, as with Bartimaeus, he commands, "Bring them to me."

We live in a country wherein most pets have a better life than the homeless, the mentally ill, and the marginalized poor. Yet one would think, that these animals we treasure as part of our family, could teach us to care even more for others who may be dependant upon the charity of others. After all, we are not above cleaning up the bodily eliminations of our pets, feeding them, caressing them, supplying top medical care for them. Yet for some reason, we can easily dismiss a person with special needs, ignoring them all together. When, if we could embrace them in their disabilities, look into their eyes and see our own humanity, in all of it's frailty, we might be free enough to love, to compassionate, to exercise ourselves in charity with the donation of our very self.

"I will gather them from the ends of the earth, with the blind and the lame in their midst." 1st reading of the day, Jeremiah 31.

The blind and the lame will always be in our midst - it is their vocation - they are our helpers on the way to Heaven. Let us strive more deliberately to love one another - even the seemingly most unlovable amongst us.

An Infinity of Little Hours

Nothing is impossible for God.

A book by Nancy Klein Maguire about "the trial of faith of five young men in the Western world's most austere monastic order." It deals with five young men who entered the Carthusian Charterhouse at Parkminster in Britain in the 1960's. I found it on our reject shelves! Books decided against for the catalog are placed there. It was the galley copy as well - which means we got it early in the year. It's one of the hottest books of the year as regards monasticism - and we are not carrying it.

I'm reading it now and I will be ordering it for the Store.

Reading short snippets of the book left me nostalgic - if only I could have died at the Chartehouse in Vermont when I was there, since I could not enter. Just looking at the photo of the Carthusian in his cell breaks my heart.

The one account I began reading caused me to reflect on the proper candidate for Carthusian eremetic life, as well as for other forms of contemplative life. It is a high standard to meet if one wishes to be enclosed for the rest of one's life. The person generally needs a stable family background, to be free of psychological disorders of any kind, and able to live chastely. Of course, a person needs to be deeply in love with Our Lord Jesus Christ and longing for an intimate relationship with him through prayer - even to the point of complete detachment from one's personal devotions and manner of prayer. Then comes obedience.

The candidate must be willing and able to take direction and live in obedience, allowing himself to be taught, as well as guided in the spiritual life.

Good vocations come from good homes. The thought kept going through my mind. One may have every quality and every virtue necessary for Carthusian life, yet if there is any lack of stability that has affected the candidate's life, from early childhood onwards, the fellow will have a rough time of it and most likely will not persevere.

Hanging with your Mom...

and your Mom is your girlfriend.

A week or so ago, on 'Good Morning America' there was a spot about mothers and daughters hanging out together, going to clubs, drinking, all the things a young woman would do with girlfriends her own age.

Many mothers may have always wanted their daughters to be their best friends, and they raised them to be. When that happens, it is easy for boundaries to become blurred; inappropriate behavior gets overlooked. The mother abdicates her role for the sake of having a friend.

I have relatives who are mother and daughter and go on trips together, hang out together, shop together, do everything together - they are best friends; night-clubbing buddies.

Often, but not always, the mother is divorced and the daughter is single. They shop together, dress similarly, and party together. It's creepy. Imagine being with your mom when two guys hit on you both. Or just out night clubbing, and you both drink too much, and you are both loud mouthed, and obnoxious. It's weird.

What has happened to some mothers that they relinquish their position as role model, guide, mentor, and safe refuge and counsel? It's not always a divorced mother who acts thus. What is the root of it? Is the mother living vicariously through her daughter? Or does she want to retain her youth by becoming her daughter's girlfriend?

Maybe it is another indication of the breakdown of the family and the corruption of morals, so prevalent in our culture. Call me old fashioned, but it seems to me, good mother and daughter friendships should retain a semblance of propriety and hierarchy. A daughter isn't a sister after all.

It's a curious phenomenon, happening with greater frequency. Of course, maybe it's just me, my parents were the last people on earth I wanted to hang out with.

Every night is Halloween

- At a gay bar.

Driving home from work tonight I noticed a car ahead of me with rather entertaining bumper stickers - a profusion of them. (Why would you wreck your car with any type of bumper sticker?)

The woman had a rainbow "Z" or Harry Potter mark. A "jesus fish" with the word "pagan" enclosed. Another one that said, "My other vehicle is a broom". With an assortment of other GLBT stickers. I always see these cars in St. Paul it seems, it's really a dyke town over there. (The dykes seem to get into wearing their politics on their cars. Oh well, it is provocative.)

So I wondered - are lesbians so much into paganism and witchcraft? It must be the illusion of power they are after. Or maybe all witches have been dykes? Whatever, I realized Halloween, the dark side of Halloween, is really a gay holiday as well. (I wonder if psychological disorders, such as 'gender identity' confusion and 'arrested development' have anything to do with it?)

Nevertheless this is the season for Drag Balls; drag kings and queens delight in this holiday - it's the hi-light of the year for some. However, as I said, depending upon the gay bar, every night is sort of a Halloween. The leather bars have men in costume all of the time, leather chaps, vests over bare chests with numerous piercings, wierd quasi motorcyle/Nazi type costumes, etc. There are other bars with nightly drag shows and male strippers. Most people in a gay bar are in some sort of drag - even if they look like a regular guy or gal. It's a sexually charged, superficial milieu.

What is it however, about paganism, or nature worship, that attracts the gay community? Is "New Age" spirituality gay, or is it just inclusive? If Wicca is nature-religion based, how do unnatural sexual acts fit in? It seems contradictory in essence. At the same time, it may demonstrate the "diabolical delusion" inherent in such a spirituality.

Years ago, nearly our entire Presentation Department, along with Marketing (at Dayton's-Marshall Fields) would attend the drag ball. (Mainly because co-workers were attending in drag - and you had to see them!) I was very young. It was fun, no one has hotter music than gay people, the drinks were loaded, you could 'smoke' if you wanted to, with other drugs available in the men's room. It was like Carnival. You don't have to be gay to attend - did you ever see the film, "The Bird Cage"? It's like that.

Obviously, GLBT people have their cult. I imagine that is one reason why they hate the Catholic Church. The Church could never recognize such a cult, much less such a spirituality. (Although some gay-friendly, so-called Catholic Churches and communities do so.)

Despair

More on "The Bridge"

My post on the documentery by Eric Steele dealing with suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge elicited some very interesting comments from those who read it.

In my conversation with some readers I discovered, at least amongst the few people who spoke to me about it, that they have been tempted to suicide themselves. The consensus seemed to be that if they could be assured of not going to hell, they would have killed themselves at one time or another. I understood that all too well.

Depression can be a killer. In a sense, it seems to me, that it may be the disease of depression that is the cause of death, not so much the 'choice' a person makes to kill themselves. A 'choice' that cannot be made without some element of compulsion, thus limiting the person's freedom to some degree.

On the other hand, there are people who are proponents of so-called assisted suicide, who, not wanting to suffer some debilitating condition due to health or old age, join groups such as the Hemlock Society and make provisions for their own death. In such a case, it would appear obvious there had been a clear and conscious decision for end of life plans.

A woman posted a very sensitive and provocative response to my post. I found it so interesting I want to post it once again here:

"I nearly committed suicide when I was 15. I had a plan, I told no one, and since I had learned in school about the "signs", I made sure to avoid every single one. I was an A student, I was involved in my classes and extracurricular activities, and my parish in music ministry and the youth group. But my family life was a mess (divorce, bipolar mother, etc.), and I honestly believed my life had no value. I had prayed, read psalms, begged God, but to no apparent answer...And I really thought that no one would miss me and the world would be a better place without me. As though I had that much influence! Through God's grace I am here (I think it might be time to blog about this), but I can assure you, people who think this way are not in their right minds. In order for a sin (such as suicide/ self-murder) to be mortal, one must be fully aware. Very few suicidal persons are really aware of anything outside of themselves...It is the nature of their desease, or demonic oppression, or what have you. The Lord will be merciful with these souls for they are not really willfully turning away from Him, and He in his mercy always recognizes the afflicted. " Blogger comment on "The Bridge".

This woman's experience relates well to subjects I often post about, except she does not include childhood abuse in her experience, although many others do. I appreciate her comment so much because she mentions the fact that her Mother was bipolar, divorce was an issue, etc. It's very difficult for a child to sort out 'normal' in such a situation, and of course, the child's perception of reality can be just as distorted as their identity or self-image.

I may be mistaken, but I think the suicidal person frequently internalizes the negative experiences in their lives, and if they are children, I think a sort of self-blame often accompanies their situation. In the breakdown of depression, sometimes I think there is an element of self-abuse or self-punishment the person is fulfilling in the act - not simply a release from suffering, or an escape from life.

In my family my own Mother would probably have been diagnosed as bipolar had she not self-medicated with alcohol. She attempted suicide at least twice that I know of. Another relative also attempted suicide on two occasions, while another, more or less drank himself to death. Therefore, I'm a little too familiar with the experience of suicide. Friends I have had also have committed suicide. It's a devastating experience to deal with.

One thinks about these things in order to try and comprehend why people kill themselves.

Can suicide be prevented?

The Devil made me do it.

Sympathy for the Devil.

"But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a generals rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you - Hope you guess my name..." Rolling Stones

There is an article about Fr. Amorth, as well as Pope Benedict (as Cardinal Ratzinger), saying Hitler and Stalin may have been possessed. I may have written about this before, but since it is Halloween, I'll focus upon it a little more.

If the "Rolling Stones" saw the diabolical presence in history and sang about it in their song, "Sympathy for the Devil" it should be pretty obvious to any thoughtful person who is the mover and shaker behind the murderous influences in the world. I believe it very safe to say the devil is involved in the abortion industry, as well as the genocide in Darfur. Are the abortionists possessed or is it more accurate to say people are deluded and influenced to such a degree that they succumb to "the diabolical influence that has swept the world" as Sr. Lucia of Fatima once wrote? Fr. Amorth and Cardinal Ratzinger would know better, I'm sure.

[snip] Before he became Pope Benedict XVI, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger also spoke about the influence of the demonic in the life of Hitler — but explained that it absolved nothing.

In the book "God and the World" (Ignatius, 2002), Ratzinger is quoted treating the subject at some length.

“There are reliable reports by eyewitnesses that suggest he had some kind of demonic encounters,” the future Pope said of Hitler. “He would say, trembling: ‘He was there again,’ and other such things. We cannot get to the bottom of it. I believe one can see that he was taken into the demonic realm in some profound way, by the way in which he was able to wield power and by the terror, the harm, that his power inflicted.” [snip] NCR

Many writers have documented Hitler's fascination with the occult, which clearly illustrates his openness to demonic influence, there is no question about that. Others feel he was simply a maniac, an insane ego-maniac. Another exorcist states that mental illness is not incompatible with possession.

[snip] However, dictators such as Stalin and Hitler turned away from God and refused such cooperation, he said. He also believes that mental illness and possession can often exist at once in the same person, and that psychological illnesses are frequently caused by persistent sinful behavior. [snip] NCR

Departing from whether or not Hitler was either insane or possessed, the concept that groups of people can be influenced by evil forces intrigues me. In your daily experience, have you ever noticed an apparent disruptive atmosphere in your situation, or another person's actions, if only on occasion? For instance, in a family or a workplace, wherein a negative, combative attitude may prevail. It has a way of growing and spreading, affecting people's relationships and causing a negative culture. In some families, people do not speak to one another - for years. When it arises in the the workplace it usually generates back biting and gossip, as well as factions. (By these statements I am in no way implying possession, rather the influence of the Evil One who delights in dissension and conflict, thus destroying relationships and disturbing good order.)

What can overcome it? It seems to take on a life of it's own. We dismiss it as 'people stuff' but I think there is a behind-the-scenes influence at work fostering the division. It may sound far-a-fetched, but I don't think it is. At any rate, with these experiences within our own everyday life, it is not such a leap when Fr. Amorth says that entire populations can be influenced by the demonic - if not possessed.

[snip]Regarded as the Church’s most experienced and prominent exorcist, Father Amorth warned Vatican Radio listeners Aug. 27 that the devil can possess not only individuals but also entire groups and populations.

“I am convinced that the Nazis were possessed by the devil,” he said. “If one thinks of what was committed by people like Stalin or Hitler, certainly they were possessed by the devil. This is seen in their actions, in their behavior and in the horrors they committed.”[snip] NCR

Although it would be a leap to say that our pro-choice, pro-death culture is possessed, it isn't unreasonable to see that we are indeed influenced by the demonic. That is one reason why the apparitions reported around the world make sense. In many instances, such as at Medjugorje, Our Lady repeatedly asks that we be converted, reform our lives, pray, and work towards reconciliation, always stressing the greatest commandment, that we love one another. It is the antidote to the enmity that exists between men and cultures. While she often makes her plea to us to make these concessions to peace in our daily lives and interactions with the people we live and work with.

Whenever I find myself in some sort of conflict in a relationship or in the workplace, I always - although not at first - but in the end, come back to myself. There was something about my behavior that contributed to it. Maybe pride and 'defending my turf' or 'fighting for my rights' - there is usually something amiss in my anger. Maybe I am not totally responsible for the situation since there are other players involved, but my approach or reaction, especially if it is anger-based, is oftentimes at fault. When I act on it- or better put, react, I create more division and unrest, fomenting a continuance of the negative. If people are gossiping or backbiting about me, maybe I deserve it, or called it down upon myself. In authentic prayer, I can see how I had been influenced by the 'evil of the day'. When I repent, and pray and strive for peace, letting go of any animosity, then the situation begins to heal itself - or so it seems to me.

It's kind of frightening to think entire populations can be so influenced and deluded by the diabolical - to the point of becoming afflicted with a sort of collective possession or obsession. The miscreants are not absolved from responsibility, especially since they invited the devil in. The invitation may have been extended by buying into, and accepting the 'evil of the day'. Whatever that may be. It's something to think about as election time draws near, when many people consider the lesser of two evils - or ignore evil entirely.

We must pray, and pray with the heart - unceasingly, and strive to make peace with everyone around us, even it if means losing.

[snip]At his general audience address Oct. 18, Benedict XVI gave some salutary advice on how to overcome the devil’s temptations.

“Truly, there are many ways in which the human heart can be perverted,” he said. “The only way to avoid them is to be in full communion with Jesus.”[snip] NCR

Let's listen to His Mother on how best to do this.

So I'm wrong...

I can admit that.

I blog about my impressions, my understanding of things - my take on things. I was wrong about Medjugorje, and Our Lady set me straight. I was wrong about the cassock - and readers, as well as the inquisitors, set me straight. (Nevertheless, I will still never tell a priest what to wear! Unless to tell him: Do not wear those awful too-short sleeved summer shirts - and wear more linen for heaven's sake on your long-sleeved shirts - at least an inch sticking out of your suit coat! And have your clothes cleaned regularly and pressed. While I'm on it, don't forget the dandruff, maybe use 'Head and Shoulders' - works for me.)

Anyway. The earlier post on the cassock educated me about priestly garb.

First of all, no Council of Baltimore ever banned the cassock on the street or anywhere else. The Bishops granted an 'indult' for the priest to wear a suit with a clerical shirt because of the anti-Catholic sentiment in the mainly protestant American culture.

Canon Law - I forgot my documentation at work - says a priest should wear clerical attire. John Paul II reiterated that many times, encouraging priests to be a perennial sign of Christ in public, by identifying themselves as priests by their attire. The reasons seem to me too obvious to state.

There was an entire 'movement' or 'influence', as it were, that the Vatican once condemned, called "Americanism" in the Catholic Church in the United States, that seems to have permeated the Church not only in the U.S. but extended to Europe as well as Australia and New Zealand. A fear of Roman-ism extant to this day. However, nowadays, it is more aptly identified as 'secularism'. People and priests my age are deeply influenced by it, hence, the repulsion for clerical clothing on some level. In addition, if a priest is vain like I am, they just want to look like a regular guy. Bad news - it's not a 9-5 job. They are a priest. If they died and went to hell they would surely be identified as such - just as when they go to heaven. The sacrament of Holy Orders leaves an indelible mark, a special character. It's a charism we are barely able to comprehend - only in heaven will we understand what a magnificent gift the holy priesthood is. (That, by the way, is a key reason we ought to be very careful when, if ever, we criticize any priest.)

Commentator's on this blog stated very good reasons why a priest should dress as a priest - cassock-ed or suited. It gave me pause to reflect. They are correct. I apologize for this lame post, but I just want to state that I agree with those priests who are humbly proud to declare to the world that they are priests, men who by ordination exist 'persona Christi' - not just in the rectory or confessional or at the altar - but in every aspect of their lives - it is the very definition of their existence - it is their identity.

So, the next time you see a priest in clericals, or the cassock, ask for his blessing, and tell him how grateful you are for his priesthood and witness. It's a good thing.

(A tip of the biretta to Mr. Hastrieter who sets me straight on a lot of things - as well as his spy in the back hall. :)

(Oh. By the way, my dislike of habits and clericals - FOR MYSELF - obviously proves I never had a vocation! I never liked wearing that stuff. Of course I hate wearing a suit and tie as well.)

The Bridge

A documentary depicting suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, by Eric Steele.

It opened in London this weekend, and not to rave reviews. I saw an interview with Eric Steele, actually a couple of them. He strikes me as very sympathetic and sincere, yet not at all voyeuristic or exploitative, but rather serious about revealing the desperation of persons seeking the final solution in their lives. In the process of filming, he and his crew did everything they could to prevent the suicides he filmed, and were indeed successful a few times.

I wonder what it is about the bridge that attracts people from around the world to end their lives there? It is beautiful, but kind of cold, yet it remains the most popular place in the world to end one's life.

I've known people who have ended their lives. I never thought they were particularly neurotic or mentally ill. They just seemed to have no other alternative. One fellow struggled with alcoholism and a dead end career. Coming from a wealthy family, I know he felt as if he had failed in life. Of course he must have suffered from depression in order to kill himself, but he isolated himself, and no one could have helped him - he wouldn't let anyone in. Evidently, life simply lost its purpose, its meaning for him.

Does anyone remember the famous French couture-model/actress, Capucine? She played opposite Peter Sellers in "Pink Panther" portraying the wife of Inspector Clousseau. Several years ago she threw herself out of a Parisian hotel window, killing herself. Audrey Hepburn said in an interview about her friend that it was because she couldn't face growing old. - that sounds depressing.

For years we have hidden the idea of suicide, never is it mentioned in the obituaries, although you can usually tell who killed themselves when it reads, "died unexpectedly" - obit-code for suicide. We've heard more about it in the last few years due to the increase of teenage suicides, yet it still is rarely discussed except to say things like "what a waste" or, "what a stupid thing to do - why didn't they ask for help?"

To answer that I would be willing to guess that the suicide thought their life was a waste as well, while they probably did try to reach out for help at various times in their life. I also think that they would agree, if we could hear them speak, that it was definitely a stupid thing to do, adding, that they would have preferred not being filmed in the act - it's never graceful - and that is meant to be a double entendre.

Nevertheless, I believe the film is an important work in the study of suicide - although I have not viewed it, only clips. I think we need to care about the subject - more precisely, the people.

Why I appreciate Halloween so much!

Actually, it is "All Hallows Eve"!

Pictured; "Vision of Hell" - Bosch

Many people think it's the night the devils prowl and witches have their covens. Well it is - more so now in our 'new age' than ever before in the history of witchcraft. But that is not why I appreciate it - although they are good reminders for everyone that evil exists, as does hell. Nevertheless, devils and witches are out and about all of the time. Especially those devils. Just go Downtown Minneapolis when the bars close - or before - you will see evidence of the diabolical. Or read the newspapers about the murders the night before in any given area of the country - reads like the devil to me.

Driving home from Mass this morning, I admired the trees holding onto their last remaining foliage, the barren dry grasses with some greenery surviving amongst it, all along the freeway. Freeway landscape is sometimes very beautiful here in Minnesota.

When I got home, I posted a piece on the "work blog" - after which, I laid down to take my Sunday nap. The sky was overcast, allowing the leaves still clinging to the trees to show their color cloaked in somber, muted tones by the grey mist, rather than the fiery excitement of autumn leaves on a clear, crisp day. I watched them fall more quickly today, in just the slightest breeze. It was a steady stream, sometimes a few at one time, followed by a torrent, then calming to a trickle, the again repeating itself. I thought of Fatima.

Ever since I was little, the nuns told us that either Our Lady or one of the children reported, that "souls fall into hell like autumn leaves falling from their trees'. What a wonderful, yet sobering metaphor, I thought. The tree, representing life, or more accurately Christ and the Church, or just the world if you prefer - while the leaves imaging the souls living in in it. At death, detachment from this life occurs instantly, as the leaf breaks its tender tether to the branch. Thus, I imagined more easily the concept of souls falling into hell.

All Hallows invites us to reflect upon the last things and that is why I appreciate Halloween. The following day is the feast of All Saints, while the day after that is the feast of All Souls. Interchangeably we remember the dead in glory, as well as the dead in purgatory - albeit all are alive for God, as Jesus in the Gospel states, "He is the God of the living not the dead." Hence the souls in hell are the living dead and quite an unhappy lot they are.

In his letter, St Peter says that "The devil prowls about like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." He wasn't talking about Halloween. Sometimes I wonder if Christian parents could be making it more scary for the kids by focusing upon the dark side of Halloween, missing the fun and innocent side of it. Certainly guard the children from the occult, you have to do what you have to do.

Remember Teresa of Avila's remark about exaggerated concerns over the devil, she said, "I don't understand these fears. 'The devil! The devil!' when we can say 'God! God!', and make the devil tremble...I fear those who have such great fear of the devil more than I do the devil himself, for he can't do anything to me. Whereas these others, especially if they are confessors, cause severe disturbance," Life 25; 22 And yes, I know, St. Teresa was talking about confessors who were worried she was being deceived in prayer, but it can just as well apply to anyone else with a morbid curiosity and suspicious and fearful mind, even some modern priests who think so many are possessed.

Catholics have Christ, the Blessed Mother and the angels and the saints, the Church and the sacraments. We just have to make sure we are Catholic. Celebrate Halloween as a Catholic and pay no attention to the devil - fix your eyes on Jesus, as St. Paul writes, and appreciate Halloween for what it is - All Hallows Eve.

But do beware, the devil does prowl around - but he's sneakier than Harry and the other witches and goblins - he's prowling through cartoon shows, television ads, the Internet - almost everywhere - but it's just not only on Halloween. Actually, the scary costumes were the primitive answer to scaring away the devil - not inviting him in.

The Chamber of Secrets

Pictured, "Allegory of Injustice" Giotto, Capella Scrovegni

Off the books...

I ran into a friend of mine with whom I had lost touch a few years ago after his wife's death from breast cancer. He is a successful businessman, having owned his small but prosperous business for years. His wife had her own successful business up until her death. They owned a house in Minneapolis, another in Florida, with one in Northern Minnesota as well as a house on the Cape. He had several vehicles, a boat and a small plane.

As I said, I lost touch with him after his wife's death, I assumed he had rented his house here in Minneapolis and perhaps was living at the Cape. I had heard he had a new girl friend.

I always liked him, though rather wealthy, he was very down to earth and friendly. I often got the impression that his wife had been a bit snobby, impressed with status and their success, although I eventually realized that he was very proud of their accomplishments as well, nevertheless, he maintained a more humble demeanor. They had everything. Then his wife died and I never saw him much after that.

When I ran into him, after nearly four years, I barely recognized him. He resembled his old self, but he had changed. He is very thin now, rather gaunt and has lost much of his hair. In the course of our conversation I learned he is under house arrest and had been in prison for three years. I was totally shocked. He is one of the most upstanding citizens I have known, honest as the day is long. Though not religious, he has been the typical peace and justice advocate that marks so many of my generation. He always treated his employees fairly and well, often lavishly entertaining his entire company at his home several times a year.

He was so forthcoming about being in prison that in my natural candor I said, "Whatever for? What could you have done? You are not a criminal."

He explained that the IRS and the Social Security Administration went after him for fraud. he had been paying an employee off the books - for over five years. Knowing my friend, it was probably an act of charity on his part. Then maybe not. Those questions I didn't feel were my place to ask. He did tell me the amount of money involved was relatively small, $50,000. That's only $10,000 a year, his bonuses were bigger than that. With fines and penalties, he lost all his luxury vehicles, the plane, and two of his houses, and the business. The business he worked all of his life to build. He said he was grateful his wife hadn't lived to see this. One thing for certain, he is still not poor by any one's standards, but he is a broken man.

I realized there must have been other factors involved; sleight of hand bookkeeping perhaps, maybe not reporting profits or inventory, and with the loss of property, probably some sort of tax shell-game was going on, since his one son who ran the business with him, was also convicted. I imagine that it was a series of little things that led up to the disaster. I feel really bad for him. I thought, why would someone like him have to go to prison for this? Couldn't he have just paid the fines, having lost his business and estate, wasn't that punishment enough? I've been baffled since I spoke with him nearly two weeks ago.

I'm sure he somehow justified himself in his schemes. Of course, there are some religious people who do it all of the time as well. There is a line in one of the psalms, "From my secret sins, acquit me O Lord." My friend was a 'wily' manager - he kept a close eye on his employees, never trusting anyone. I wonder if his distrust of others was born of his own injustice?

Political divide...

Yesterday I ran into one of the managers carrying into the Store two huge yard signs for political candidates for Congress. Kennedy and Bachman. I asked him, "Where are those going?"

"They are for my yard, not the Store."

"Do you endorse these two then?" I asked.

"Of course, they are the only pro-life candidates running. As a Catholic, there is no one else to vote for." He couldn't tell if I was putting him on or what.

We just got in a book entitled, "Can A Catholic Be A Democrat?" No one has read it yet. It's a provocative title however.

Election time is always an interesting time where I work. You can be sure of who is committing a mortal sin if they say they are going to vote for the "wrong" candidate, or who is going to hell depending upon their politics. At least that is what comes out of some mouths if you're so foolish to discuss politics at work. I suppose a person can afford to be smug when they vote the 'correct' way.

Sometimes I think the doom and gloom theorists are correct about "The Chastisement". It seems to me that being coerced to vote for pro-life candidates only dooms us to the inequitable policies of the Government we have to live with. It's a chastisement in itself.

I can't think of a political candidate that I trust.

I wonder if a person is going to hell if they abstain from voting as a conscientious objector? I'll have to ask the theologians I work with.

To wear - or not to wear....

That is the question in this neo-Benedictine age.

"When in Rome..."

I'm not a priest so I don't know much about these things. I was a monk for awhile - and when we went into town we never wore the monastic habit. When we worked, we wore jeans and work-shirts. Several novices were taken with the habit, one liked to wear the hood up when he walked through the cloister - very "Nun's Story-ish". Another took his with him when he left monastic life - for Halloween? I never figured that one out.

All of our seminarians in this Archdiocese are required to have a cassock. I would say every priest I know has one for liturgical functions when they wear a surplice over it. (Albs and a stole are more the fashion since Vatican II.)

When I was little, the priest always wore one, even in the rectory - but never on the street. Supposedly the Council of Baltimore forbade that. The rule today is no longer in force - it maybe expired. Many good priests I know do not like the cassock, much less the biretta, and seem to be suspicious of those who have an affinity for wearing them. Although, many young seminarians embrace the custom heartily. Younger people and converts seem to love traditional clothing.

I was talking to two priest friends of mine one day when a young priest came in and was wearing a full length coat over his cassock. We asked where he got the coat and he said in Rome. It was like the Pope's white coat, only black. (It was a beautiful coat.)

One of the priests I had been speaking with called me a day later to ask about cassocks. I told him we sell many. We discussed them. Then he asked about the priest in the coat and also asked how many priests come into the Store wearing cassocks, which is not many. I realized the cassock is sort of a litmus test. Who wears one, the why and wherefores, etc. It was an interesting conversation. (My friend thought it pretentious, but I wonder if that has more to do with our age and training? Maybe, with the younger new priests, trained in a seminary where the cassock has been worn, may think otherwise.)

Although, when the seminarians started wearing cassocks, another well respected priest friend of mine, who had been rector at the seminary, thought it absurd and said he would never be caught dead in a cassock. While another dear priest friend, when he visited our Store at my invitation, spied a biretta, called me over and jokingly whispered, "It's a mortal sin to wear one of these!" He has never been back since.

I'm ambivalent about what a priest chooses to wear. If I were a priest, I would hate wearing any sort of clericals, and never would wear a cassock except for liturgical functions. But I'm not a priest. Because a priest may wear a cassock doesn't make him more of a priest in my eyes. If a priest is out of clericals, meaning the suit, I don't care about that either; although I've heard people say to priests, where I work that is, that they should be dressed in clericals. I don't agree - especially when it's their "day off" and they are running in to pick something up. Priests are people too.

That could be one reason why we don't get all the priests in our Archdiocese shopping at the company I work for. (Of course it could also be that they just don't want to get into the "mix".)

Cashing in........

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

"The best things in life are free
But you can keep them for the birds and bees
Now give me money
That's what I want
That's what I want, yeah
That's what I want..." Beatles

My favorite version of that song was done by a new-wave/punk band - used on an ad with an Asian woman singing it - it inspired me and I wanted to do a new wave version of Connie Francis' "Lipstick On Your Collar" - why didn't I follow my muses? (That was mid to late '80's I think.)

Gerald, who has a respectable blog I check daily - except for the past day or two of my moratorium against blogs - is going commercial. In a way he always was. He has Amazon links and paypal buttons. "I just wanna get...I just wanna get...I just wanna get paid!" -A disco song.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

The comments on Gerald's post, "I need help..." - the negative ones - are not surprising. As an artist, I know how nice it would be to earn your living from your art. I did well for a few years - well I got by. So I don't blame Gerald for trying - maybe it will work for him.

I just recently expressed my exasperation with blogging - especially the Catholic gossip online types. And my own. Why would anyone pay to read a blog? Especially when they become so redundant - and so many link to others with the same story? Reading the comments on Gerald's "appeal" (58 comments last time I checked.) demonstrates that I'm not alone in my thoughts. A few of them were rather "scolding" to say the least. While many of his fans are very supportive - they seem to like his kitty kat.

It's not a new phenomenon, I have known lots of religious people who want someone to pay their way through life. "Help us pay for our pilgrimage to Rome." "Help me pay off my school debt so I can enter the convent." "Help us pay our adoption costs - consider it a pro-life donation." "Help us pay our rent until my husband graduates college." "I bought a really expensive statue of the Blessed Virgin, would you help me pay off the credit card bill?" "Well, we are living in a Catholic shop front, offering counseling to homeless people, could you donate to our apostolate - it's hard to make ends meet." "I live in Rome and it's pretty expensive, anyone willing to donate something? I'll pray for you." (The "I'll pray for you." always seems to work.)

People have asked me for money for numerous "worthy causes" - and I give when there is a genuine need. But many younger people have to learn to pay their own way and not use religion (not that Gerald is doing that) to boost their income or enhance their lifestyle. (If they can grow something into a business, fine. But the "Donate" buttons - what is that? Donate to what?) There are many people who do things to support a hobby or avocation, or until they get discovered; like actors wait tables, students work their way through school, artists do a lot of jobs to support themselves and their art, like manage a shop. (No offense Gerald - you're young. If this thing works for you, more power to you.)

Maybe it's just me, but "pay me for blogging" - especially when eblogger is a free service - seems kind of...

I don't even want a counter on my blog to see how many hits I get, much less try to sell something. (Altho Subway should pay me something for all of my plugs...I'm so kidding!)

"Eat Fresh!"

Creative

The Gift Catalog has been printed - it should be out to customers soon. (If you read this blog when we were working on it, you would know that I was looking forward to this one as being a higher quality than what we've been doing. I was excited with the proofs - the final print copy misses however. Color variations, overcrowded pages, too much copy, etc. - I'm disappointed. The cover is kind of "Lillian Vernon" or "Fingerhut". I have to get used to it, we'll never be the Met.)

One thing is certain however - EVERYONE worked really hard on it! And accomplished it in an insanely short time - without our beloved photographer - who moved west!

Watch out Dorothy Hale, here I come! :)

Kahlo

"The Suicide of Dorothy Hale" Frida Kahlo

I think my medium is painting. I honestly never heard or viewed Kahlo's work until my gallery owner told me my things reminded him of her. I then proceeded to read about her and appreciated her art, although I found it rather narcissistic and self-pitying - despite the fact her admirers insist otherwise. In my opinion they are wrong.

Yet her somber message is something I also try to convey in my art, using as she did, the archetype of Spanish colonial retablo and ex-votos. (We are both derivative in that respect.) I just cannot convey in writing what I can in painting. For me, painting documents life much more satisfactorily; that is why I use art in my posts - and that is because I'm not a very talented writer.

I'm rapidly losing interest in the blog. I am so bored with Catholic blogs and the controversies, with the gossip and sarcasm. A lot of hot air. My post, "The Waiting Room" - written while I was at the auto dealership was meant to express that. Jabber, jabber, jabber - about nothing.

Who cares? I don't care if the priests of NYC are trying to get rid of Egan. I don't care if the SSPX gets reunited with Rome. I don't really care if Flynn gets replaced in MPLS/STPAUL. I honestly don't care that Fr. Altier was transferred from St. Agnes. In fact, I don't care about a lot of things. I think it's the political climate with the elections coming up that I feel this way - that it's all such bull-shit. "Hot air!" as Fr. Eckert would say. Is blogging really contributing to anything meaningful in life? (My blog that is - although I'm pretty bored with the ones I visit as well.)

Maybe I need a break. I know I have to start painting.

The conversion of Rod Dreher...

To Eastern Orthodoxy, that is:

[snip] "Rod candidly admits that his devotion to Christ was eclipsed by golden calves of his own making. These include:

All-consuming anger -- "I became so tormented over what had happened to those children at the hands of the Catholic clergy and hierarchy that I could see nothing else but pursuing justice. And my own pursuit of justice allowed me to turn wrath into an idol. I didn't know I was doing this at the time. . . . That is something that could happen to anybody, Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox or what have you. Be warned."

Politicized faith -- "I can look back also and see that my own intellectual pride helped me build a weak foundation for my faith. When I converted to Catholicism in 1992 . . . it was a sincere Christian conversion. But I also took on as my own all the cultural and intellectual trappings of the American Catholic right."

Churchcraft as a hobby -- "I had become the sort of Catholic who thought preoccupying himself with Church controversies and Church politics was the same thing as preoccupying himself with Christ. Me and my friends would go on for hours and hours about what was wrong with the Church, and everything we had to say was true. But if you keep on like that, it will have its effect."

Clericalism -- "Without quite realizing what was happening, I became a Professional Catholic, and got so caught up in identifying with the various controversies in the American church that I began to substitute that for an authentic spirituality. This is nobody's fault but my own. Part of that involved hero-worshipping Pope John Paul II, and despite having a healthy awareness of the sins and failings of various bishops, exaggerating the virtues of bishops my side deemed 'orthodox.'"[snip] -New Advent blog

I like the term "Churchcraft". Gosh I know a lot of people who all day get into that, and they get so angry...I better check the log in my own eye now.

Mrs. Bogle

You have to read her most recent post on the state of moral affairs in Britain. Here is an excerpt:

"Blair has played a major political role in ensuring the collapse of morals in our country. He has led us into an appalling war which will result in the destruction of one of the few countries in the Middle East where there were reasonably strong Christian communities, which may well now disappear. Our Armed Forces are under extreme pressure, our crime rate soars, and Government policies openly promote schemes to smash traditional marriage and family life. Yet deluded Americans still talk about "Tony Blair, man of integrity".....please, please look at what is actually happening, and don't have an image of Britain that is based on 1950s films!" Joanna Bogle

Sounds like the U.S. By the way, in the upcoming elections it sounds as if the Republicans are going to be losing their ass - I mean seats - in Congress.

The waiting room...

After being sick for several days - the Dr. said today it is bronchitis - he always knows without my saying anything that I still smoke. It seems I got a bad cold with a sinus infection that turned into bronchitis - I'm spared a recurrence of pneumonia however with an antibiotic. Hold the lectures and scolding please - I'm depressed enough.

So where am I now? I had some engine problems and I'm in the Honda dealership waiting room, it is supposed to take two hours. Providential huh? Thankfully they have internet access.

The television is on and the waiting room is full of people. There is a Muslim woman speaking loudly on her cell phone and people are complaining that they cannot hear the TV because of it. One of the computers is not working so there is a Muslim man (the woman's husband) next to me talking to it. What if he were to get online and plan a terrorist attack on the Foshay tower? Oh! He finally got on! I looked around to see if he got on, just to keep an eye on what site he went to...He googled suitcase nuclear weapons...Just kidding.

His wife is still on the phone and says an occasional word to him and he barely responds. How does he put up with the constant talking? She has to wear a veil and cover everything up, but she can shoot her mouth off all she wants in public. I should have brought alcohol with me and she maybe would leave, like the Islamic cab drivers who will not carry fares who have alcohol.

(I'm just documenting my experience here, so don't be offended.)

Now my 'specialist' comes in and tells me that I need a new tire because I have a nail in one, they have a special and can replace all of them, so I said yes. This will take my bill over $500 today. Isn't that something though! She brought me a complimentary bottle of water.

Oh! The Muslims left. But now a deaf person came in and turned the TV up again.

The Muslim guy is back now! He asked if I'd mind if he used the phone on the wall right behind me. He can see what I'm writing. I have to save to draft and I'll go to my other blog - oh! You didn't know I had one? Yeah that's right, it's Rome-ing Catholics...

What if he had a simitar? He's behind me and people get beheaded from behind - their throats slit and sawed through...

On the news they are discussing another terrorist attack - anthrax - anonymous envelopes from corner mailboxes. I think there are better ways. They are now saying some large scale event is due to happen before the end of the month of Ramadan - even claiming al-Quieda says Muslims in the U.S. should leave the country. (I think it's CNN, are they just filling time?) Anyway, the Muslims are still here - I think they are Somalis.

I don't really think that all Muslims are terrorists, but I think many people wonder about these things every time they look at white-Anglo-Saxon-protestants in burkas. (I don't want to sound racist.) Now the Muslims left. Whew!

I just heard North Korea's test really was nuclear. Well that settles that. Ms. Rice is now on talking about Iran's programs of do's and don'ts, now N. Korea. Well the U.S. is telling them! People just can't have access to nuclear power and stuff. We rule!

I wonder why they don't turn on Oprah? Better yet, Judge Judy. CNN just repeats the news over and over. Oh! Stocks closed at the 7th record high in 10 days! Like there isn't going to be a big crash soon. Gosh! Greed clouds judgment, huh? A correction is coming.

So what else should I write about? What a racket the auto industry is? How I just got taken today? How much I'd like to go out and have a cigarette right now?

I turned around and this white lady is starring at me as I write. Do you stare at people when you're waiting someplace? I do, although I try to do so without being noticed. I sit and try to figure out their story, their age, occupation. I can always spot single women. With one glance I could tell you some things about this woman. She's divorced and single, has a good job. Gets her hair done - hi-lighted of course. She's very trim so she goes to the gym more than once a week, likes to shop because she has nice clothes. Very much in control of her life. probably a teenaged daughter or niece, because she's kind of trendy. Skinny is a dead give away for some single women - but not always - there are other markers.

Oh my gosh! - Kathy - whatever her name is - is here now! She's the comedian that was on Seinfeld - oh! What is her name? She was on the episode where she was doing her stand-up routine about Jerry being the devil...she is so her voice double. I can't believe it. I looked - it's not her, but she could be her voice double for sure. Kathy Griffin! That's her name!

Looked over my shoulder and skinny divorced lady is still watching me - she has an annoyed look on her face - another sign of being single.

This is a documentary, isn't it? Too bad I don't have a camera. What if I changed careers and took people's cars to the service center for them and just blogged, blogged, blogged, while I waited - I could get a web-cam.

It's like the casino here, they just came around with water and asked me how I was doing. (I've only been to the Casino once.)

Did I ever tell you about my friend Joe? He got married just over a year ago. I email him things like this at times - just insane ramblings. He threatens me with restraining orders - just to be funny. He wishes I was his Dad.

Oh - repeat news on N. Korea - or should we now call them, Nuke Korea. I guess the device was small. I wonder if it would be small enough for a suitcase. I doubt it, if it's still too big for one of their missiles.

I'm bored with this now.

St. Margaret Mary and the Sacred Heart of Jesus

Today is the feast of St Margaret Mary Alacoque, to whom Our Lord revealed the modern devotion to His Sacred Heart.

It is the refuge of sinners.

I stole this picture from Don Marco's blog because I like it so very much.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, I trust in you.

Don Marco has a beautiful Act of Reparation to the Sacred Heart on Vultus Christi. While the Penitent Blogger has some of St. Margaret Mary's words on the vision of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

A question about the tilma of Guadalupe.

From Ray: I've been waiting for you to set up this Q&A program because I have asked this question several times of others on the Internet and have not yet got a definitive satisfactory answer. And I'm not that fussy.

The question is about the Tilma of St Juan Diego with the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe on it. If you look at images of the one in the Shrine in Mexico City and most copies, you will note that the "halo" around the image of Our Lady appears to be cut off at the top.

Was the Tilma desecrated at some time in the past? My most recent answer said that Tilma was folded over because the frame wasn't big enough for it. I find that very hard to believe. If you are building a basilica that will hold 30,000 people (or whatever), I suspect the cost of a larger frame for the Tilma would have fit into the budget.

Second of all, now that I am thinking about it is, "how tall is the Tilma?" I doubt that St Juan Diego could have been taller than 5' 5". If he wore the Tilma with the "tall" side being up, the Bishop might not even have recognized that there was an image on the Tilma. Did he wear it "horizontally", wrapped around him? Like a cope? That makes more sense, I guess.

Dear Ray: You have not been waiting for me to do this!

But here is my best shot: The tilma is about 4'.6" tall or 1.43 meters. It would not have been trimmed to fit a frame or any other reason. I believe the aurora, sun, glory, what have you, surrounding the Virgin ends abruptly with the cloth. In reproductions it is interpreted as light coming from heaven, so this also may be an explanation, although I'm sure it ends abruptly as it is shown, probably due to how it was held by Juan Diego - meaning - it's the top of the cloth.

The image on the tilma appeared as the roses fell out onto the floor - it was itself an 'apparition' before the Bishop's eyes and it was miraculously documented upon the tilma as a photograph would be imprinted upon paper. The fact that the image was 'live' is documented in magnified studies of the eyes that reflect the people in the room at the time. (For Juan Diego, the castilian roses in December is what he thought would be the miraculous sign the Bishop requested.)

The tilma was the target of a bomb once, while everything else was damaged, the image remained unharmed. Once in cleaning the frame, nitric acid seeped under the glass onto the tilma, which should have burnt it. Only a yellow stain remained that has since vanished. The preservation of the tilma itself is considered a miracle, since the agave fibers should have long ago disintegrated.

(Did you know "Wishbone" played the part of Juan Diego in an episode of his series on PBS?)

Is the fire of purgatory real?

Just Me asks: The question for the "Ask Terry" column: "Is the fire of Purgatory real or is it just an allegory to describe the intense longing of the soul to reach Heaven?"

Terry says: As Jean-Paul Sartre demonstrated in his play, "No Exit" 'hell is other people' - just so purgatory must be, since it exists in the same precincts. NOT! No one really knows for certain, do they? Another John Paul referred to it as a 'state' of being as opposed to a place.

The mystics speak about God's purifying fire inflaming the soul in love in the stages of prayer and mystical graces. St. Paul speaks of God as a "Consuming fire" while Elizabeth of the Trinity discusses that aspect in terms of contemplative prayer, as does John of the Cross in the "Living Flame of Love". In the image of the burning bush seen by Moses, it was aflame yet not consumed. Is the fire physical? Our bodies are not in purgatory, so it must be a spiritual fire - not allegorical - nevertheless, a spiritual reality.

The pain and suffering is intense and unimaginable for us who live in the physical world. Teresa of Avila writes that spiritual sufferings of the souls in hell, as well as those in purgatory, are much greater than the physical pains one can endure upon earth, of which burning alive would seem to be the worst. Because of her experience of the excruciating pain, albeit delightful, endured in the various stages of prayer and the union of the soul with God, she deduces the suffering of the soul in purgatory is beyond our comprehension. I recommend a serious reading of the writings of John of the Cross and Teresa of Jesus on the purifications and the Divine touches of God in prayer that may help one to understand the nature of the purgatorial fire somewhat better.

Catherine of Genoa is another saint whose treatise on purgatory is very revealing. Just as the soul upon the way of perfection, suffers at the thought of one's sins with the weight of worldly attachments, thus causing the resultant distance from God - although consoled in the knowledge one's sins are forgiven - just so the soul in purgatory. Except the soul in purgatory, I would think would know even more clearly the reason it suffers, emerging from the darkness of earthly life into the knowledge and love of God - albeit obscure, while it's suffering with longing for the Beatific vision may be said to increase as the soul is purified. Whatever the case, the soul would seem to be obliged to accept with peace, that God's mercy and justice have intersected within the soul. Just so, I think the soul understands that it's sufferings are deserved because of it's sins and impurity, while, it seems to me, increasing with longing to see God, remaining steadfast in charity throughout it's ordeal.

It can be consoling to think the fire of purgatory is simply an allegory for the longing of the soul for God - It somehow makes it seem palatable for our nature. Nevertheless, the knowledge of one's sins and attachments, their nature and the offense caused to the Divine Majesty, as well as the natural order, is an immense suffering for the soul, which would cause it to desire to die again, if that were possible, in the most complete, all-consuming holocaust. Again, in purgatory, the fire of Divine Love at the same time must encompass the soul and in in a sense "consoles" it (or better put, "sustains" it) within that unimaginable pain, by having granted it the knowledge that he can no longer sin and therefore the conviction of it's salvation.

Whatever the case may be, it is so important to pray for the souls in purgatory since they can no longer merit nor help themselves, as the Church teaches.

Anyway - that's my thought on it - read your catechism - I'm so not a theologian or a mystic - so I don't want to be brought before the Inquisition - except to be corrected if my thoughts do not accord with Church teaching. We'll know the true nature of purgatory when we get there however. (Someone once said the demons can torment you there as well...)

St. Teresa had a sense of humor.

Pictured, Bea Arthur in the role of Teresa of Avila.

Mystical Doctor of the Church that she is, she had a very homely manner of writing, a wit that shows through even in her loftiest works. The digressions she indulges in as she wrote her autobiography dramatize her personal style while lending us ever new and revealing insight into her personality, that some have described as vivacious. Curious term for a contemplative nun.

Recently there has been discussion concerning a new movie in the works exploring her sexuality, which I find disturbing. Not knowing much about it, there is little I can say about it, except - NOT!

Nevertheless it got my creative juices flowing and I came up with an idea of a sit-com based upon her life. I immediately thought of Bea Arthur ("Maud", "Golden Girls") in the role of Teresa, with Christine Baranski ("Cybil Shepard Show", "The Birdcage") as the Princess of Eboli. They could spar over her writings as they did in real life - only make it funnier - wasn't it the Princess who had an eye-patch - or am I getting my nobility mixed up? Actually, the sit-com could focus on the Princess, after the death of her husband, when she entered the monastery of Pastrana, and became the source of so much grief - now that's a show.)

In one scene, Teresa could be traveling to make another foundation, the coach falling in the river, Bea Arthur, with her dead pan humor, looking up to heaven, as in the photo here, saying, "No wonder you have so few friends when you treat them like this." Then guffaws of canned laughter. The entire production could be done similarly to the British sit-com, "Absolutely Fabulous!"

I think it could work. Maybe I should contact "Act One" in Hollywood to see if they'd be interested. I better write a script first.

What did Lovitz have to say when I pitched the idea to him?
"Oooooo! EDGY!"

:) :) :)

St Teresa of Jesus

Today is the feast of Holy Mother St. Teresa of Avila, not observed liturgically since it falls on a Sunday.

My favorite quote from her is, "Prayer is the trap door out of sin."

So many times people are told that if they are in a state of mortal sin they cannot merit any grace and their prayers and good works are not efficacious.

Nevertheless, it is important that the sinner should pray, pray as best as he knows how and as often as he can - even when he feels he cannot quit his sins. God never fails to hear prayer, especially the prayer to be free of one's sins, placing all of one's confidence in the mercy of God - one doesn't have to be perfect to pray. The idea of merit? Leave that to the Blood of Christ.

Pray, pray, pray without ceasing, this is how you will attain eternal life.

St. Teresa, teach us to pray.

Continuum

A friend mentioned a book by Michael O'Brien and I went to read about it, finding O'Brien's website instead. He has some very interesting essays, one on modesty in dress that I snipped a portion of and posted below. It works well in line with my various posts concerning art, modesty, as well as identity. I'm going to continue thinking about these things and posting what I discover. Read my excerpt from O'Brien if you wish.

“Dad,” each of our children has asked me at one time or another, “Am I in my body or am I my body?”

The look of puzzlement and intense curiosity on their faces when they ask this is a sign that ultimate questions are working their way up from the soul to the consciousness. But how do you explain it to a six year old, or a twelve year old, or a fifty year old? Of course, the body is not a container, nor simply a biological organism, nor is it a machine. It cannot be owned, manipulated, used, bought, sold or violated without something drastic and negative happening to one’s well-being.

Which is why the Pope was so insistent about lust in marriage. The body is part of the gift of life from God. We are in exile and weakened, but we are beloved of God and capable of sharing in his divine love. We are made in his image and likeness. We are damaged but not destroyed. Since the Incarnation an added significance has been given to our flesh, for we are now temples of the Holy Spirit and Christ dwells within us.

Saint John of Damascus once wrote that when man first sinned he retained the image of God but lost the likeness of God; and since the coming of Christ we are freed to be restored to the original unity. Thus, any diminishment of this truth is an offence against God; any harm inflicted on our bodies or the bodies of others is ultimately an act against Love.

In his encyclical on the family, Familiaris Consortio, John Paul II teaches that God calls man into existence through love and for love:“God is Love, and in himself he lives a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating the human race in his own image and continually keeping it in being, God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation and thus the capacity and responsibility of love and communion.

Love is therefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being . . . Conjugal love involves a totality in which all the elements of the person enter: the appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affection, aspiration of the spirit and will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, the unity that beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive self-giving; and it is open to fertility.” Michael O'Brien

More on Suffering and Identity

"The Martyr Sebastian Being Rescued By the Matron Irene." - Ribera



Please excuse me for accommodating the poetry of St. John of the Cross regarding the suffering a soul endures as a result of childhood sexual abuse...



Nevertheless, the verses can just as easily be applied to a soul in mortal sin, or a person suffering from a variety of addictions, and most likely, even depression.

"I live, but not in myself...
I have neither God nor myself.
What will life be?
It will be a thousand deaths,
Longing for my true life
And dying because I do not die.

What life do I have
Except to endure
The bitterest death known?
I pity myself
For I go on living,
Dying because I do not die.

Lift me from this death,
My God, and give me life;
Do not hold me bound
With these so strong bonds;
See how I long to see you;
I am so wholly miserable
That I die because I do not die.

What death can equal
My pitiable life?
For the longer I live,
The more drawn out
Is my dying.

I will cry out for death
And mourn my living
while I am held here
For my sins.

Dying because I do not die." (My free-base John of the Cross)

I left out most of the contemplative references to God to show the acute suffering a person in this state experiences. Contrary to the words, "I pity myself" it is not a whine of self pity the soul utters, it is the acknowledgement of the state of his soul. The person suffering doesn't seek pity - no one could penetrate that wound so deep and thorough, except God. On some levels it is the lament of hell, yet for the soul who prays and frequents the sacraments, it is part of the purgation process, that results ultimately in healing, although never satisfactory until eternity, since the pain continues to ebb and flow, as the night follows day.

(And please excuse me for dwelling on this subject for so many days. It's for "you". :)

Identity and Conversion

I was thinking of the first reading from today's Mass as it regards identity. Paul states;

'There is neither Jew nor Greek,
slave nor freeman,
there is not male and female,
for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3

I thought of my friend who is struggling with the issue of identity. As well as others who may have been abused or degraded at some point in their life, who struggle with low self-esteem and a shattered self-image. Even women not unlike the Samaritan woman who perhaps have been married several times in some unconscious effort to find validation in the love of a man. Or the promiscuous whose identity is and emotional life is affirmed and assuaged by meaningless sexual encounters.

From what I understand, recently in this Archdiocese there had been a 'coming out' prayer service for so-called gay people at one of the Catholic churches in town. That is just unfortunate. Again, I think it is based in an identity problem. (If it had been a healing service, that would be all together appropriate, yet a prayer service, a coming out service, is a rebellious act.) Gay culture wants people to come out as a political act - it is not so much a liberation of self. Certainly there is a camaraderie and a modicum of acceptance amongst peers, but it is in the end a political act. The more self-proclaimed gays coming out, the more clout for the gay agenda - whose battle cry is that the gay life-style is normative. Hence, not only their demand for recognition and acceptance, but validation by Church and society.

The person who experiences same-sex attraction should understand this as an aspect of personality, not as their core identity. Their identity is as Genesis states, "Male, female, God created them." Each person's identity is that of being a human being created and loved by God, and now, as a baptized Christian, his true identity is in Christ, that he has become a co-heir with Christ. That is the starting point in conversion, the beginning of self-knowledge and discovery of identity. At least, that is what I always think of when I hear St. Paul's letter to the Galatians. Let me change some of Paul's words;

"There is neither black nor white,
addicted nor free person,
there is not male or female,
gay or lesbian,
therian or animal person;
for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
You are a new creation."

We have been created in the image and likeness of God - Christ came to restore that image. He has subjected all creation to Himself, and therefore to us. To mistake our true identity for something else is a form of idolatry on some level. We are placing the creature above God as it were. Christ, the Church calls men to conversion, to turn from what is false, to turn from their idols, and to be converted. There is indeed a wave of diabolical illusion sweeping the world, distorting the truth, while ensnaring many souls.

Elsewhere, Paul speaks about those of us who engaged in all sorts of sin and he tells us emphatically "you must put all that aside now." (Colossians 3) I do believe, however, there is good reason in the "school of self-knowledge" to accept the distorted image of one's self in an effort to understand and deal with it - not to fear it, since oftentimes the adoption of the identity was a result of fear, thereby becoming a coping mechanism in one's life. To accept one's 'therianism' (therian - derived from theriomorphic- is a person who believes his core identity is that of an animal, or an animal's spirit I believe. It seems to be associated with African or Native America animism.) or to accept one's homosexuality, is a first step in understanding the self. After all, same-sex attraction can be a rather neutral thing, if not acted upon. While the idea that one is a bear remains neutral, unless one begins to live like a bear. (Acceptance does not mean acting from it.)

The key would be in understanding what these experiences mean for the individual. What need is being satisfied, what does it do for the person? When did you first encounter it? Get to the bottom of the issue; where did it originate? Gradually one will unlock the secret and lessen it's power. It requires faith, courage, and perseverance. To understand the why and wherefore, is to begin the process of healing and conversion. Prayer, the sacraments, a good confessor is a necessary component in the process - because everything is a grace.

"Do not surrender your confidence; it will have great reward. You need patience to do God's will and receive what He has promised." Hebrews 10: 35-36

(Just some thoughts for "you" and you know who you are. :)

The desert...

"If I had the wings of a dove, I would fly away and be at rest." from the Office of St. Bruno.

Pictured, St. Catherine's Monastery in the Sinai.

I love the desert fathers. If they only had showers. My VP at Dayton's (eventually Marshall-Fields, now Macy's.) was Greek and once in a conversation I spoke glowingly of the monks on Mt. Athos - hoping as an Orthodox Catholic he'd have some great tales about the holy mountain. He sneered - "I hate those monks - they never bathe!" He was very "The Devil Wears Prada." yet, for all his high and mightiness, he enjoyed conversing with me.

When testing my vocation in monastic life, very few monasteries appeared to me to be observant enough for my ideals. Few seemed poor enough, or if I found a community that was poor, there seemed to be a lack of stability. While some 'new' orders seemed a tad pretentious and ambitious as well as lacking any spiritual maturity. Of course I found, in my opinion, the Carthusians to be the best, but I wasn't suited to their life.

My experiences in good monasteries left me with a prejudice regarding other forms of religious life, and an imperious attitude towards new communities as well as hermits, not to mention neo-gyrovagues. Gradually, I learned never to judge whether a person or community was living a fervent life or not, that there are many instances in the spiritual life of persons seeking the will of God that do not conform to our prejudices.

There is a story from the desert fathers wherein a monk went to see another, renowned for his wisdom and holiness. The monk was scandalized that the father lived in relative luxury compared to what he had been used to in his scete. The father drank wine, slept on a bed of straw, bathed, and ate rather well, although he fasted and was faithful to the rule of psalmody and other exercises peculiar to the eremitical state.

The young monk left the father to return to his skete. The father knowing he had been scandalized called him back and questioned him as to his life. It turned out the monk had been a shepherd, sleeping in the fields and eating a very meager diet, without any comforts, no bathing, except in the river, and so on. In the skete, he had regular meals, a mat to sleep upon, in a hut for shelter.

The father then told him of his past. He had lived like a prince in Rome, with many attendants and great luxury, dining sumptuosly every day. Upon his conversion he renounced all of that and went into the desert to live the ascetic life as the young monk could see.

Filled with compunction, the young monk recognised his presumption and asked the father's forgiveness, often returning to him for spiritual instruction.

The story taught me as well. If a sister lives in an apartment and drives a car, she may no longer have had a convent to live in. If a friar lives in a nice friary, or a monk has a beautiful monastery to live in wherein every need is met, that does not mean he is not a fervent religious.

If a lay person dresses well, lives in a nice house, watches TV, or listens to rock music, or does anything else worldly, while striving to live a devout life, albeit hidden - that does not mean that person is living in sin. No more than two men or two women sharing the same house, or a man and a woman sharing the same house, are living in sin.

"Judge not and you will not be judged." I think Jesus said that.

A 'desert father-like' story.

About Bishop Carlson

I heard a story about him that when he was instructing a young couple who were preparing for marriage, he told them that it was inappropriate for them to live together before the wedding.

They had been living together for some time and their two incomes were necessary to keep their residence. Bishop Carlson said the young man was welcome to live at the Bishop's house with him, free of charge. He meant it.

The couple eventually found a way to live apart until marriage and kept the residence.

That's a good Abba, don't you think?