Despair

More on "The Bridge"

My post on the documentery by Eric Steele dealing with suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge elicited some very interesting comments from those who read it.

In my conversation with some readers I discovered, at least amongst the few people who spoke to me about it, that they have been tempted to suicide themselves. The consensus seemed to be that if they could be assured of not going to hell, they would have killed themselves at one time or another. I understood that all too well.

Depression can be a killer. In a sense, it seems to me, that it may be the disease of depression that is the cause of death, not so much the 'choice' a person makes to kill themselves. A 'choice' that cannot be made without some element of compulsion, thus limiting the person's freedom to some degree.

On the other hand, there are people who are proponents of so-called assisted suicide, who, not wanting to suffer some debilitating condition due to health or old age, join groups such as the Hemlock Society and make provisions for their own death. In such a case, it would appear obvious there had been a clear and conscious decision for end of life plans.

A woman posted a very sensitive and provocative response to my post. I found it so interesting I want to post it once again here:

"I nearly committed suicide when I was 15. I had a plan, I told no one, and since I had learned in school about the "signs", I made sure to avoid every single one. I was an A student, I was involved in my classes and extracurricular activities, and my parish in music ministry and the youth group. But my family life was a mess (divorce, bipolar mother, etc.), and I honestly believed my life had no value. I had prayed, read psalms, begged God, but to no apparent answer...And I really thought that no one would miss me and the world would be a better place without me. As though I had that much influence! Through God's grace I am here (I think it might be time to blog about this), but I can assure you, people who think this way are not in their right minds. In order for a sin (such as suicide/ self-murder) to be mortal, one must be fully aware. Very few suicidal persons are really aware of anything outside of themselves...It is the nature of their desease, or demonic oppression, or what have you. The Lord will be merciful with these souls for they are not really willfully turning away from Him, and He in his mercy always recognizes the afflicted. " Blogger comment on "The Bridge".

This woman's experience relates well to subjects I often post about, except she does not include childhood abuse in her experience, although many others do. I appreciate her comment so much because she mentions the fact that her Mother was bipolar, divorce was an issue, etc. It's very difficult for a child to sort out 'normal' in such a situation, and of course, the child's perception of reality can be just as distorted as their identity or self-image.

I may be mistaken, but I think the suicidal person frequently internalizes the negative experiences in their lives, and if they are children, I think a sort of self-blame often accompanies their situation. In the breakdown of depression, sometimes I think there is an element of self-abuse or self-punishment the person is fulfilling in the act - not simply a release from suffering, or an escape from life.

In my family my own Mother would probably have been diagnosed as bipolar had she not self-medicated with alcohol. She attempted suicide at least twice that I know of. Another relative also attempted suicide on two occasions, while another, more or less drank himself to death. Therefore, I'm a little too familiar with the experience of suicide. Friends I have had also have committed suicide. It's a devastating experience to deal with.

One thinks about these things in order to try and comprehend why people kill themselves.

Can suicide be prevented?